yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
