when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
