No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
