one word: firstdatebathroomanal
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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