i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
