Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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