Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
