Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
