She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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