im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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