gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
