if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
