okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
