I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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