tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
