So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
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You kept trying to hail an ambulance
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
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I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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