oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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