There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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