Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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