I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
