I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
