I haven't been this sober since birth.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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