its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
