I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
