Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
