I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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