I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
