Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
