I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
