do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
