i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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