no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
