I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize