Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
