actually, I'm a sock model
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
