My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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