What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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