Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
