Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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