I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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