Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
