We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
