Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Couch. On fire.
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