sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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