Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
