wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
