it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
