he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
