Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
smell my finger.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
