My sheets look like a crime scene.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
