There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
