He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
