She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
