His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
