I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
