I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
