a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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