look no pants
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
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