I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
