made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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