Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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