If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
