You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
