No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
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