Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
