If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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