im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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