Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Yo dont text me then not text me
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
