Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
